


I'll try to explain the infinite

by MageOfCole



Series: DC (but make it gayer) [2]
Category: DCU (Comics), Green Lantern (Comics), Justice League - All Media Types, The Flash (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Barry Allen, Bisexual Hal Jordan, Character Death, Guilt, Hal Jordan Needs A Hug, Hal Jordan is The Spectre, Halbarry Kids, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mentioned Iris West - Freeform, Mentioned Kyle Rayner, No Beta We Die Like My Faith In DC, Parental Hal Jordan, Past Barry Allen/Iris West, Protective Hal Jordan, Survivor Guilt, Trans Barry Allen, Wally West is The Flash, mentioned Eobard Thawne - Freeform, mentioned Wally West - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 02:46:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29992704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MageOfCole/pseuds/MageOfCole
Summary: In most worlds, The Flash dies a hero and Green Lantern loses everything. In some, he dies to save the world from destruction, sacrificing his life, and is remembered as a larger-than-life figure. In others, no one knows that Zoom had killed their hero, they never notice that another has taken his place. In all these worlds, Hal Jordan never tells anyone that he's in love with his best friend until he's lost him, and everything only goes downhill from there.This isn't those worlds.
Relationships: Barry Allen/Hal Jordan, Hal Jordan & Kyle Rayner
Series: DC (but make it gayer) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2193546
Comments: 12
Kudos: 19





	I'll try to explain the infinite

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ThirteenthMouse6572](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirteenthMouse6572/gifts), [Crab_Lad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crab_Lad/gifts).



In another world, The Flash dies a hero, saving the world. He sacrifices himself so that others may live, and he’s remembered as a figure larger than life; everyone mourns The Flash as a saint, a paragon of justice and kindness, but no one remembers Barry. No one remembers the mild and gentle forensic scientist who was at the core of who the Scarlet Speedster was. No one but the man he raised, and the man who had loved him.

In another world, The Flash dies at the hands of Professor Zoom. He dies, and his wife is dragged through time, never to see her friends and family again. He dies as he’s dragged into the Speedforce, and he becomes just another speedster trapped outside of time and space as the world goes on without him. In this world, no one knows that the Flash that follows him is a different hero entirely, they don’t know that the child their hero had raised and trained would have to grow up too fast after the loss of another set of parents. In this world, people mourn Barry Allen, the good, kind man with a heart of gold who died in a tragic accident alongside his wife.

In both these worlds, Hal hadn’t known he’d loved his best friend, or maybe he had known but had never worked up the courage to admit it until he was looking down at that plain tombstone and he realized he’d never have the chance. In both these worlds, Hal keeps losing, and losing, and _losing_ until he has nothing left, and yet people still ask for _more_ . In the end, he stands with nothing but hate and fear in his heart and a burning desire to make it _right_ again. In both these worlds, Hal buries his best friend and loses half of himself at the same time. In both these worlds, Hal loses until he breaks, and he breaks others in return. He doesn’t die a saint, he doesn’t die a hero; instead Hal becomes the villain, and dies knowing he had destroyed any and all of his morals.

But _this_ isn’t those worlds.

Here, when Professor Zoom appears, he targets Iris first. Here, he doesn’t drag her into the Speedforce, or into the future. Instead, he leaves the body of the fiery, gentle reporter where Barry can find it, bloodied and fully recognizable as the lovely woman Iris West Allen used to be. Here, Hal comes to the small house in Central, following the distress beacon his best friend had activated, to find Barry cradling his wife’s body, looking blank and numb, blood splattered across the room like some sort of morbid piece of art, and another body only identifiable by the yellow costume left slumped in the corner. He stands beside Barry as the truth comes out, stands beside Barry in the face of Superman’s disappointment and the loss of Batman’s friendship.

In this world, Barry kills Zoom first. In this world, Barry puts the costume away and steps down from the Justice League to make way for a younger generation. In this world, Wally becomes the Flash, but he still has a mentor to turn to when he needs help. Here, Hal refuses to be pushed away and stays beside Barry, and the reveal of his feelings comes naturally as they come together in more than one way. Here, it’s Barry who confesses first, who puts what they are into words and asks for more.

In this world, there’s someone to put him back together when Hal breaks. He has something to keep himself partially grounded when Coast City is reduced to rubble, something to help him lessen the weight on his shoulder and push away the demands placed unfairly on him. Here, he has a reason not to give in fully to the whispers in his ears, the desire for revenge, and the fear in his heart.

He still has a family to return to, so when the young Torchbearer comes to him, to ask him to let go of his fear, Hal takes his hand. He lets Kyle talk him down from the extremes, returns the rings he stole, and lets go of the illusion he’s built, because Kyle reminds him of what he still has, what he can still hold onto.

This time, when Hal dies, he has someone to mourn him, and when he returns, he has someone to welcome him. It’s not perfect, Hal still has a voice in his head, urging him to go further and further, to do more and more damage, but he also has arms to hold him back, and a warm, loving voice to talk him down.

He still has hopeful, wonderful Barry, who, in another world, would have just been a cold statue and a modest grave. He still has his children, who, in that other time, would have never existed. He has things to fight for, people to return to. Reasons to hide his bloodied hands so that he can protect them.

When he lands in the private backyard of the house he lives in with Barry and their family, he always lets the form of The Spectre melt away. He lets go of justice and retribution, lets go of wrath and redemption, to let himself be Hal again. He embraces life again, as gray melts away to tan, and green dissolves to the ever-familiar warmth of his father’s old jacket, and Hal choses _this_ to anything Parallax or The Spectre can offer him.

“ _Papa_!” A young voice shouts in excitement, and it’s only years of working with Barry that gives Hal enough time to brace himself for the super-speed missile that collides with his stomach. Nora Jordan-Allen beams up at him, all chubby cheeks and childish innocence. She’s always happy to see him, doesn’t understand what Hal had become, and loves him regardless of everything.

Hal laughs, scooping his daughter into his arms, kissing wind-swept brown hair as the four year old wraps her thin arms around his neck and kisses his cheek, “Hey there, roadrunner.” He rumbles, feeling that jumbled, hateful part of himself smooth out into something less painful. “Shouldn’t you be in bed, little lady?”

Nora pouts, and Hal can never keep up the mask of parental disappointment in the face of the big blue eyes she’s inherited from Barry, “Was waitin’ for you.” She whines, pressing her face into his neck.

Huffing fondly, Hal hefts the kid up just a little higher, resting her on his hip as he makes his way up the porch and into the house. It’s quiet, like it usually is this late in the day, when Jason and Jenny have been put down to sleep, and the sun is only a stretch of orange light streaming in through the windows as it sets and the moon takes its place in the sky. It’s peaceful, and it muffles the unending pounding of fear in his chest because Hal knows he’s safe here, in the little pocket of the world he and Barry had created for themselves. There’s memories in every corner, love in the walls, and the shadows don’t hold nightmares here.

They bought this place together, back when they’d learned that their family would be growing. Hal’s apartment in Coast City had been home for a long time, and Barry had made it warmer when he’d moved in, but it had been too small for the addition of a baby. Blue Valley had been a change from the coastal cities and beaches Hal was used to, a small, quiet midwestern town that suits them both just fine. It’s not like the big cities they’re both used to, and that helps.

It’s a new start, and Hal will always be grateful that Barry and Nora had been here instead of Coast City when it had been reduced to rubble. They’d been safe, in the little life they had been building, away from the dangers of their lives. He’s glad his enemies hadn’t known about them.

Nora whines a little when Hal puts her to bed, pouts, but he passes her her Green Lantern bear and kisses her on the forehead as he tucks her in. He knows the grumpiness is an act by the heaviness of her eyes, by how quickly she falls asleep, and for a long moment, Hal just stands there and stares. He watches her breathe, snuggled up under her covers as she clings to the bear Kyle had bought her as a gag but she had loved anyways. She’s alive, and healthy, and so many things all at once that it makes Hal feel weak in the knees.

 _A weakness_ , a part of him whispers, _something for others to exploit until you’re ruined again_. Hal would burn the world to protect his family, would destroy everything to keep them safe and happy. If anyone tried to use them against him, they wouldn’t live long enough to touch a hair on their heads because Hal would make them _burn_.

Gently, almost afraid that he’s taint her, Hal reaches forward to gently brush her hair away from her face, tucking the brown strands behind her ear to hopefully save it from getting chewed or drooled on, and he just sort of stands there, fingers barely brushing the shell of her ear. If they’d been in Coast City - Hal doesn’t know if even Barry would have been able to get them out on time, and it would have been _his_ fault, because Mongul had chosen Coast City to send a message, knowing the Green Lantern that lived there, one of the Justice League’s heaviest hitters hadn’t been planetside.

The city has since been rebuilt, and survivors had returned, but Hal hadn’t been able to bring himself to go back. _This_ is his home now; the small home he and Barry had bought together with the fenced-in backyard that might be a little on the small side, but private enough for Nora, and now Jenny and Jason, to play in without anyone seeing them use their powers. They decorated it together, filled it with photos of their families and enough love that Hal’s dreams are peaceful.

A peaceful enough life, a happy family, a nice house - things Hal never would have imagined for himself, but something he has regardless. He’s a bartender now, nothing like the pilot he had once dreamed of being, and there’s no adrenaline to chase, but he’s happy. He still flies, as Spectre, and he keeps his license, because someday he wants to take his kids up into the air and give them that piece of himself and his life. The sky is still a part of him, it’s in his blood, but maybe he can understand now, why his father had tried to tell him that there was more to life than just the thrill.

“How did it go?” The gentle voice in the doorway pulls Hal from his thoughts, pulls his eyes from Nora’s sleeping face, to see Barry in the doorway. His blue eyes are soft, arms crossed over his chest, and he’s leaning against the doorframe, a gentle smile on his face.

“Well.” Hal murmurs, stepping back from Nora with one last loving look. Barry opens his arms for him as Hal approaches, letting the other man slump into his arms and bury his head in his shoulder. “I missed you.” He says. It’s hard, keeping track of time in the world between life and death, and sometimes Hal finds himself away for far longer than he thought he had been, or not as long as he had believed. It’s hard to tell which until he’s back and can look at the date.

“Missed you too, glitter-glow.” Barry’s smooth midwestern drawl washes over him, taking with it the lingering tension still in his shoulders, and Hal wraps his arms around the speedster’s waist.

 _This_ is home, Hal knows.

(In most worlds, The Flash dies a hero and Green Lantern loses everything. But in this world, Barry Allen lives, and this saves Hal Jordan.)


End file.
